this all but wrote itself

i recently received an amazing email from a guy online.   first, he’s looking for women between the ages of 18 and 97.  the site goes to age 100+, so why not go for the gold?  suddenly women turn 98 and they no longer appeal?  or maybe an 80-year search range feels too wide and greedy but a humble 79-year span does nicely?

he’s also looking for a woman who “don’t fallow trends”—that’s great news, as i limit myself to the farming ones. 

after laughing out loud to myself i settled in to read his one sentence message. 

it began, “I know you get a lot of massages…” factually accurate to the point i wondered whether he’s running surveillance.  but one can never get enough of them, am I right? 

“but your file is interesting.”  again the covert ops red flag.  what the hell kind of file?  the dossier the NSA’s building on me?  the file folders on my desk at work?  or could “file” be the time-saving alternative to “profile”?  because let’s face it—he’s got a lot of women to get through.