what's the last change you decided to make? keep it in mind.
and what's the most recent one you had to make?
now compare the two. i'm betting you felt happier about the first than the second.
how we respond to change varies based on its source.
when you need to buy a new car all you can think of is how much it’ll cost, how to eek a few more miles out of the current one, and the agony of negotiating at the dealership.
when you’re treating yourself to one (not recommended) you’re obsessed with spoilers and spinning hubcaps, seat warmers, sunroofs, and other perks that begin with the letter "s."
because we’re territorial about the origins of change.
it's as though nothing can go wrong with our brilliant plan but when we're required to act against our will, all emotional hell breaks loose.
part of the issue is how sure we are that changes we’ve arranged are good. no way this unnecessary new car will bankrupt me. and by contrast, how shadowy and suspicious the forced ones are. you're sure this thing will explode if i keep driving it, mr. mechanic?
it’s almost a point of pride. but what if you evaded the ego and thought, eh. my choice? external factors? no difference.
don't worry, i’m not there yet, either. here’s how i react to unplanned changes: shock, anger, despair, confusion, brooding, rationalizing, and acceptance—all with lots of tears shed along the way.
inevitably, i look back and see how right the change was, how educational, useful, and positive. in fact, those benefits are usually in proportion to how terrible it felt at the time.
how luxuriant to be just as cool with things that happen to me as i am with those i arranged.
how do you reach that state of acceptance?
- ask what caring action can i take for myself today? it doesn't need to be big. it just needs to be.
- keep track of your feelings. i suggest this for two reasons. first, because it feels good to get them written or recorded. and second, because when they shift (and they will!) you'll have the list as proof you made it through.
- figure out the next right thing, then do it. not 17 steps down the line. just the next thing.
p.s. no, you aren't crazy. this is a revision of an earlier post.
look, you made it! you either have an opinion or you're lost.
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