last week i shared how i stick with a pretty fierce daily yoga routine. but just because i constantly practice doesn’t mean i don’t have problems. if anything, the hours of yoga highlight my shortcomings with an “i-was-only-trying-to-be-helpful” insistence. for starters, i’m kind of a hypocrite. here are some examples.
i can't stand when people talk over others or chat when they should be quiet. it’s tremendously disrespectful of whoever is supposed to have your attention. i’ve felt this way for as long as i can remember. i’m almost certain i have dog-like hearing, so it makes sense that layered, dissonant noises affect me more than other people.
what's illogical is how i also occasionally talk when i shouldn’t. as the perpetrator, i’m certain i’m better at talking quietly and/or not really being disruptive.
over the past several weeks, the yoga class immediately after mine has turned into a frat party. somehow, UCLA bros got wind of my studio and decided to jump into an advanced class (and we all know how i feel about that).
recently they were talking in the hallway directly outside our room during savasana, the final relaxation. but instead of chilling out and basking in fuzzy, post-yoga wellness, i was distracted, tense, and increasingly irritated as their gruff voices disrupted our hard-earned rest.
it was loud enough the teacher said, “as you hear noises around you, make them a celebration of life” or some such thing i was NOT on board with.
even though i’ve certainly been that hallway talker, and i tell you to treat irritating, outside events as clues to useful, inner wisdom about yourself, i was still annoyed.
the best i could manage was, “they’re just dummies—unaware beings who deserve sympathy because they’re ignorant.”
so there are two forms of hypocrisy right there. i get irritated when people talk when they shouldn’t, but i sometimes partake. and i struggle to feel compassion for people i think are disrespectful, but know i should and tell others to do so.
moving on, as much as i tell you to be gentle and cut yourself slack, i have trouble doing the same. while i take good care of myself on some levels—sleeping enough, eating well, exercising, and spending time outside—i perform terribly in others. such as:
- pushing myself to uphold rigid habits and getting annoyed when i fail
- trying to do too much then wondering why i’m overwhelmed
- beating myself up when i have to say “no” to people
so please don’t think i’m perfect. instead, i’m perfectly flawed. just like you.